Claude Rains (with a new Account)

No, It’s really me this time and not Tarot gone drunk and crazier than usual with a glued on fake beard trying to impersonate me. Seein’ as Tarot has seen fit to raise a right fuss lookin’ for meand all, as well as my recent uninvited guests showin’ up, it’s not safe to use my old account, so I got a new account set up. I’d have used Tarot’s but her blog is just too bloody pink. I think I could drink a whole bottle of gin and it would still be too pink. That and they probably have a trace on it. Why no one has caught Tarot yet puzzles me but goin’ through my stash ‘ere last night, after tyin- I mean making sure Tarot was safe did give me time to think, and I reckon that maybe it’s part o’ Tarot’s gift, ‘er not gettin’ caught and all. I’d managed a good haul, before I ran into Tarot again, plenty of alcohol and even more cash. Anyway, as you lot ‘ave no doubt noticed, I’ve been busy, really busy. Too busy to blog, in fact. On top of nicking things and findin’ new drinks, I had to save this bloke, Lee, and never you mind why. I don’t care how drunk I am, not gonna get that one outta me. Not gonna tell you he’s supposed to marry my- never mind. Now, on top of all that, it seems I have to babysit the anorak seer. On the plus side, Tarot’s gift should come in ‘andy, provided I can keep ‘er outta trouble. The rope I boun- made her comfortable with should do for now, at least while I try to blog.

What I will tell you lot, is where I’m not. I am no where near this thing:

No, really, I’m not. I know Daphne Millbrook had told Tarot I

was there but she was mistaken. I was gonna hide in there but some bloke in a brown

pinstripe suit threw me out. Woulda been a cool hideout too, lot more space in there than you’d think. Loads more. Coulda made my own pub and had a good stash of other stuff there, too. I’d have

gone after the bloke that threw me

out but as soon as the doors closed there was a loud groanin’ noise and it vanished. No, it’s not the drink talkin’, I mean it. I needed a drink after seein’ that! Why you starin’ at the screen like that for? What you never saw somethin’ strange enough that you needed a drink? You’re reading a blog written by a man who can vanish at will and you ‘ave trouble believing in blue boxes that are bigger on the inside and vanish? Well, it’s your problem, not mine. I bloody know what I saw and ‘eard.

I also just got word that my ex-coworker is lookin’ to redeem himself. Also noticed him shootin’ me and leavin’ me for dead didn’t seem to be on his list for making up for past mistakes. Him taserin’ me wasn’t there either. Doesn’t surprise me. I’d never trust ‘im again, even if ‘e was sincere and ‘adn’t left all that off, but if I thought that I could get a free drink out o’ ‘im and a good laugh in the process, it might have been worth lettin’ ‘im think ‘e could patch things up. Then again I could always just nick a gun and a taser and shoot ‘im a few times, I owe ‘im at least that much. Could nick my own drinks, too. The sodding wanker. Not worth the effort and I don’t plan on crossing the Pond again any time soon. Better beer over here anyway. ‘Course most beer can beat the near-beer Peter had at ‘is flat, and rubbish though it was, it was better than nothing. “Save water, drink beer!” that’s what I say. Or was it “Save me a beer, and I’ll save the world?” No that’s not it. “Choose your ale?” Not it either. I had it writ down somewhere here in my ‘otel ro- well where I’m stayin’ any way. And no, I’m not gonna tell you lot where I am. Not that drunk, not yet, any way. Still more pubs to hit tonight in Lon- well in town anyway. I’d better go hit the pubs again. Getting sloppy and I’m startin’ to sound like Spoon Fed not to mention I don’t feel like bein’ sober any time soon and I’ve completely drained my stash.

Dunno what I’m gonna do with Tarot, when I leave to go hit the pubs, though. If I leave ‘er here alone she might get into trouble. But I really don’t want ‘er gettin’ anywhere near alcohol, not after what ‘appened last time. While ‘avin’ a decoy can be useful, especially with some of the crap I ‘ad to deal with just recently, I really don’t wanna press my luck and I think everyone is safer if the daft fortuneteller is with me. I suppose I’ll ‘ave to take ‘er with me, though now that I think about it, she could be useful and distract the crowds while I work. So long as she doesn’t draw their attention with ‘er gift, we should be fine. And by them I don’t mean the marks, the other patrons. I mean my unwelcome visitors and whoever sent them. I guess I’ll ‘ave to try takin’ Tarot along. I’ll let you lot know how it goes.