He didn’t call me. He always calls. This single moment made me realize I might be co-dependent on his calls because the fact that Matt might have a sancha is just crazy talk. So I go to find the only person I could think of. Hiro’s wife Ando. Thank God he wasn’t in some strip club because that would have been awkward.
“Hey Ando,” I say as I speed to Japan quicker than that commercial where that guy says save the taxpayer, save the world.
“Nemesis,” he says but the nickname no longer makes me angry. Actually it’s kind of cool you know?
“Matt hasn’t called; he always calls around now to tell me about his day. What kind of donuts he ate. How he’s going to hug me tonight since we’re not banging the headboards due to lack of chemistry-“
Ando cut me off with the wave of his hand, “Too much information.”
“Oh right,” I shrug and have this sudden urge to do shots. Okay so maybe he was right, but it’s true. I mean sure we’re living together but he kind of insisted on separate rooms, which meant separate beds. I mean okay, it’s kind of weird, but I can deal with it.
“Hiro’s missing,” Ando looks worried, “Do you think they were kidnapped by the same person?”
Can we say obvious much? But before the smart witty reply could leave my lips Ando stands up hands on his hips, his chest sticking out and says, “to the ando cycle away!” For a minute I thought maybe he was going to duck into a phone booth and come out wearing his underwear outside his clothes.
Has anybody else noticed Ando is getting kind of hot or is it just me? “Why take the ando cycle,” Okay and now I had to pause, “Ando cycle? How lame is that? Anyways come on lets run.”
So we make our way to Arkansas and go find our kidnapped heroes. Funny thing, I should have found Matt but instead I rescued Claire first. Anybody else find something wrong with this picture?
Afterwards when we reach the plane crash I find matt and rush into his arms. I mean I’m all safe and happy now right? I even got one of his trademarked forehead kisses. But you know, I got to go help the others because I’m one of the good guys now….plus I’m super fast.
But nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!
Some masked commando who probably never got a date for prom had to shoot me in the back and as I fall to my knees, waving my arms around like William Dafoe in platoon I suddenly realize Matt looks kind of upset.
On a scale of one to ten I’d have to say 50/10 you know?
Here he was telling me not to use my powers when he went all mind ninja on them and made them shoot each other while I was suddenly face down in the dirt. And to top it off he just left me there! Is this true love? Doesn’t he realize I’m not dead just wounded? Oh well, we all needed a dramatic scene right?
So now, Matt must think I’m dead when I’m really moaning in agony hoping someone would give me something for the pain. Come on, you guys have to have some good stuff right? Luckily Mr. Glasses comes to my rescue and ups my does 3 times.
Okay now all I have to do is wait here until Matt decides to rescue me or Noah decides to make me dependant on the morphine he’s forcing on me. Not that I’m complaining except I’m starting to have those visions again. Of Linderman in the diaper, with the pink bow in his hair.
And now I feel super sleepy.
