The One In Which, I Wished for Two Girls Wrestling In Jello

My Fellow Bloggers:

I’ve been trying to catch up on all of your glorious lives lately, and after some consideration I have to admit… My life is so much more exciting than your lives. It probably has something to do with how smoking hot I am, and I’m powerful too, you know how it is, with being a Senator and all. Well, actually, maybe you don’t know. Oh well never mind. I have other things to tell you about.

For instance, I am sooooo having sex with my new aide, Tracey. Have I mentioned that before…? Well if I have, then I’m just telling you again… Isn’t she hot!? Naturally, when you put two people together, who look as good as we do, the sparks are going to fly; but that’s just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. Tracey was still upset about killing some sleaze bag reporter blah, blah, blah, so I tried to help her out. I told her my secret about being tight with God and all; she just rolled her eyes, pulled her head back like a chicken, and clicked her tongue at me before saying, “You think God did this to us. Chah…It was Doctor Blah, Blah, Blah. He’s a scientist blah, blah, blah.

I kind of zoned out on her a bit. I’ve noticed that when she isn’t naked, she’s somehow less interesting. Isn’t that weird? Anyway………. I did pick up on all the scientist mumbo jumbo and I thought to myself, “Hey you sexy Mother Fo’” Because that’s what I call myself in my head. “Hey you sexy Mother Fo’, you know a scientist.” So, before you could say political scandal, I had whisked her away to Mohinder’s place. I’ll spare you the details on that whole incident because I think it’s been summed up pretty well by Tracey. Although, I have to admit, Mohinder really freaked me out. I’m a Petrelli, and by definition, I’ve seen some fu#ked up poop in my time; but he is one crazy SOB.

The worst part about it…I had to be rescued by Bennet. I know, I know, I should probably like the man more than I do. I mean, he totally raised my illegitimate daughter for me, but let’s face it the man made comments about my butt and my pajamas. That isn’t the sort of thing you can forgive easily, but… I digress.

I was saved by Bennet and then I got a call from the aforementioned illegitimate daughter. She had found my little Pete in a hot mess, so I took Tracey and flew to check on him. Once there I got like three huge shocks all in a row: one, my little Petey can’t heal himself anymore, two, my Dad is still alive, *gasp* and three, Meredith was there. For those of you who don’t know, she is the mother of, again, the aforementioned illegitimate daughter.

*sniff* I think she still wants me, and I’m pretty sure if no one else had been there, I probably could have coerced Tracey and Meredith into a jello wrestling fight. …hummm. Yeah… Like that…

What was I saying? Oh yeah, I’m soooo getting it on with Meredith-I mean Tracey.

Well, I’d love to stay around and chat, but I have that whole thing with my Dad. I have to find him so we can bond and stuff.