Take a look at the picture of me above. You know what that picture says? It says “I feel so damn acomplished, so damn acomplished!” That’s right, I get to be Mr. P’s number one (now that fat guys dead)! Damn it’s been a great week! Sit back and let me fill you in!
Well, life at this pine place is somewhat boring. They gave me a really nice room all decked out with whatever I want. All I have to do is ask them and the next day or sometimes even sooner I’ve got it right on my bed. Like the other day I asked for one of them new touch screen computers and like two hours later it was sittin’ in my room all hooked up and loaded with all my favorite music. Which is cool n’ all, but mostly I’m sittin’ around here staring at walls…nicer walls…but still walls.
I can go out in public but that horned rimmed prick and his gang of pansy do good kiss asses are all over the place hunting for me n’ the rest of us fivers. So mostly I stay in doors and play the Donkey Kong game they’ve got set up in the scientists break room. I broke it on accident when I told some white coat to get offa it n’ he got scared. My hand went right thru the damn front cover of the thing, joy stick n’ all. Now all they’ve got in there is 007 pin ball and some stupid hunting for deer while some red neck geek screams ‘good shot fella!’ at ya game. Damn.
I could always ask for some X box 360 or something like that, but I don’t know. I prefer those old video games. Takes me back to growin’ up and goin’ to the arcades. Life before powers, before all this.
Anyway…yeah, like I was sayin’…I usually mess with the white coats, chill out in my room, or just walk around until Mr. P calls me in. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to be…an enforcer or something like that. But boy does that old man love havin’ me around! You see, I can tell if someone, anyone in a room with me is spouting lies. It’s part of my abilities. Whenever you or some presidential candidate says something that they believe not to be entirely 100% true they excrete a paramoan. It’s the same thing that gets thrown into the air by your body when you become frightened. It’s the same damn thing that gives me that Popeye spinach!
Now, when you lie there’s not necessarily enough of it to make me go all Superman or anything like that. But there is just enough to let me know that you’re sewing the seeds of deceit. Which is exactly why Mr. P just loves havin’ me right by hi side. Not that I really think he needs me or anything…
But yeah, he has me standing there in the back of the room like I always do when the speedy girl shows up all fast like. They talk and then he tells her to kill fat mans son. But you see there’s two problems with fat man. 1. he’s got a fat mouth and 2. he can’t back it up. It was kinda funny…he was sittin’ there sayin’ ‘No please don’t kill him! BOO HOO HOO!’
N’ Mr. P all cool as silk on a cold day just does some kinda Jedi hand wave an fat boy hits the floor BOOM! HA! So I guess that makes me Number one to Mr. P now…he hasn’t said anything to me or anything, but you know n’ Mr. P damn well sure knows that I don’t run my mouth unless I’ve got the strength to back it up!
N’ after he kills fatty head games he tells the speedy girl to hit the road n’ kill the son of the man he just killed! Bitch is cold know what I’m sayin’?
You scare me!
B!tch ain’t as cold as me. 🙂
Dude, that is wack. MY dad would never tell someone to become a murderer.
He is indeed a cold bitch. But he learned it from the best. 😉
His momma!