I AM! Yes! Yes! Yes! It’s me! I’m the one behind it all!!
Oh, hello there. You’ll forgive me my slight burst of emotion–I am normally smooth and suave and radiant of maniacal ageless charm, as you all well know…yet– you have no idea how long I’ve waited to get that off my chest. For centuries, in between the boredom and apathy which plagues my squirelly existence, I have squirmed with cool delight at the thought of having a complex master plan that actually works out. It appears, my disciples, that I have finally come through. Master manipulator, that’s me. Behind the scenes. Workin’ the puppet strings. Good work, future me.
Of course, one thing that I might have done differently (in retrospect), is not let on that I have a workable master plan. And now I’m even blogging about it. Not a prudent move, as I like to say whilst stroking my invisible moustache….But, oh well, I suppose the cat’s out of the bag now.
A cat in a bag, that’s how I felt in that lightless box…cold, miserable, helpless, and alone. Not that I didn’t have my escape plans…in fact I had three:
1. Beg and plead, using my puppy dog eyes. Hiro didn’t go for it.
2. I clawed my way up through 6 feet of soil and concrete, only to be chased and tied to a stake by an angry mob.
3. I had planned to use the Sylar’s Bachelor contest to make my subtle bail, but before I could, Sylar teleported me back. Didn’t see that one coming.
So of course, when I finally awoke from planning the next stage of my escape attempt, I understandably wanted to choke a bitch. Luckily, Hiro was right there. He then had the nerve to call me a drama queen, that lying, filthy…
Hiro, you sonuva
Anyway, I suppose I wanted to update you on things. I know you’ve been hanging on my every word, and I rather enjoy being able to bask in my own glory, in my own god-like way. Giving everyone abilities, ensuring equality for all, it’s a good deal all around. Sure, you might say, the world being cracked in two, that’s not cool. My reply to that is, don’t worry about it, jeez. You all are scrubs in this world, you should accept my authority on these matters. So-called “people” who spread lies and call me a “birran” are just being ridiculous–I’M the victim here, I’m the one being jumped on when I finally get a moment of triumph.
So now I’d like to say to those nay-sayers, who are now trying to get me down and go against my own brilliant plan–
Do I really care?
No. I don’t.
Woe. Solitude. Brilliance. Etc. That’s me.
your like a genius or something!
Dude, no offense, but you’re totally wacked. I hope I don’t end up like that.
In the grand scheme of it all, that scheme only devised by Destiny herself, are we not all merely felines trapped within some form of economical bag-like container? What amount clawing is required to escape such an existence? And would escaping it bring forth just boons, or would it only bring forth the unfortunate circumstances of being a domesticated animal in need of a home, surely ending in cute, yet ridiculous, clothing and being rendered sterile by painful, surgical means?
i’m surprised you didn’t have to ask Hiro for permission to blog… everybody knows you’re Hiro’s Biach… yeah, i said it…because it’s true….
We totally need to go out for lunch sometime.