Hillbilly Hell

Father is gone again. He had to take care of some “business”. I over heard him tell Mommy that he has hired someone to take care of us. I am thinking, “Cool, my own rich body guard.” While I was getting my daily sun bathing in, I noticed a beat up truck with a nasty trailer attached to it pulling in. I could see the neighbors looking at that vehicle with distaste. Coming out of the truck was this fake blonde. Her jeans where so tight that it became second skin to her. At first I thought maybe she was some homeless person that was working a door-to-door scam. I realized I was wrong when Mommy greeted her. She showed our guest into the house. Then I heard her say:

“This is my prize winner, Mr. Muggles”

“Is he alive?” asked the fake blonde

Mommy laughed “Yes, he is. Mr. Muggles, meet Meredith.”

I gave Meredith my “what up” look.

I decided I was tired and going to nap on the couch with my favorite show, Project Runway playing in the background. While having dreams of people designing me clothes, my dream was interrupted by loud voices. I opened my cute little eyes to see that Meredith changed the channel to some talk show where fat women were trying to find the daddy of their babies. What a classy show. Strike one against Meredith.

I couldn’t deal with trailer park skanks fighting so I decided to get some food. Instead of my usual Science Diet, I find this:

What in the Hades is that? I am MR. MUGGLES, Darn it! My food plate looks like this:

I wonder who fed me. It must have been that trailer trash bio-mom that is “protecting us”. I am a god, not some lower class animal. Just because she lives in a trailer doesn’t mean she has to treat me like I am some hound dog. She is supposed to worship at the alter of Muggles. That is strike two. She doesn’t want strike three.

Instead of Brinks Home Security, we get Firestarter Baby Mama. Great. What’s next?