Here we are in the middle of the fall and I bet everyone has the same thought on your minds: Where is Agent Audrey Hanson, FBI? How come I’m not around? How could we possibly be so far into the season (you know, autumn) and not see Agent Audrey Hanson, FBI anywhere?
Well, I have to admit that I’ve been busy. Being an agent in the FBI is not just some cushy 9 to 5 job at some biotech company or congressman’s office. I’ve been busy investigating, shadowing, surveillancing, staking out, watching, going undercover, wire tapping, shooting, combat rolling, and compiling and examining the evidence and I’ve made a few moves within the FBI.
Sure, I’m not exactly on the Sicko Psycho Killer Task Force anymore but the door’s always open for me to return. At least that’s what the Chief told me as he slammed it. So I’ve been working another case and I’ve made a few busts. A few… small… busts. This thing hasn’t broken open yet and I’m not exactly at liberty to discuss the details of the investigation but believe me, there are going to be some individuals who are rebroadcasting major league baseball without expressed written consent who are going to be sorry indeed.
Before that I was working an angle to bust some black marketers. I almost nailed a bunch of them with a semi truck full of cigarettes in Detroit when some stupid local cop gets himself all tangled up in it. There was a high speed chase with him hanging out the back like it was some kind of Hollywood comedy. Finally, the semi crashed into a bunch of Chevy Novas and Dodge Aspens and we make the bust. I hope that local gets suspended for his crazy actions.
I hate local cops.
So anyway, some old bag tagged me with this 7 things meme. Yeah I know, that was quite a while ago, like I said I’ve been undercover. Deep, deep, deep undercover, but I’ll give this thing the old Langley try.
1. Not only am I a crack shot with the 9mm automatic, .38 caliber service revolver, M-16 automatic rifle, and MP5, but I won best low crawler of class back in the academy.
2. Of course all I ever wanted to be was a FBI agent, but I have also considered a career in pantsuit modeling. They typically don’t let you carry a piece though.
3. I hate local cops. They’re always stupid and like “Duh, what’s going on?” whenever a situation goes down. One time I had to go undercover with a local and he was a hot mess. Bullets were falling out of his gun belt, his shoelaces were untied, and his uniform shirt was always pulled out of his pants and there was jelly donut or something all over his handcuffs. What’s up with that? So we’re undercover and I had to pretend that I liked him and I kissed him and it was like kissing a cow or something. Yuck.
4. You might say I’m unlucky in love. I once dated a guy who thought he was Jesus Christ. Seriously. He wanted to join a traveling show and heal all the sick or something. After a couple days, I couldn’t stand it anymore. Forget turning it into wine, he needed to get some water for a shower.
5. I wouldn’t say that I like girls, but I’ve experimented a little in my day.
6. Everyone always asks me if I’m a blond or a brunette. The answer is yes.
7. My favorite treat of all? Yeah, you guessed it, a nice big lollipop.
Hanson out.
Duh…waht’s giong on?
Yuo look flamiiar. Hvae we met?
Hey, are you that girl from that bar that time? With that drink and that song playing in the background and that drunken bar fight with that guy?
…
Not that I’d know anything about that, of course.
You don’t remember me Parkman? We worked together for like 4 weeks in a row.
And Tracy….
… maybe…