The past two weeks have been the most beautiful of my life. And that is why I am typing with my toes right now. I just put my fingers in the paper shredder. They will be fine. For some reason, I always am… 🙁
It all started when Momo started packing to go back to India. “I cannot be alone! With no one here to stop me, I will dissolve into deadly black tears of despair! I need to be watched! I need a strong hand! My men are gone and there is no one but you to help me!”
“Maya, your condition is regrettable, but there is nothing I can to do be of assistance. My research, based on that of my deceased father, has gone into a rut so to speak and I am afraid you are doomed to live with your ability util the day that you cease to intake oxygen. But what is all life but doom? Doomed to fail our fathers before us, doomed to-“
“I need you Mohinder! If nothing else, I need you to keep me in line, stop me from killing EVERYONE!” I interrupted, clutching at his feet.
“Stop this lunacy Maya. I am a man of words and philosophy. With my lack of testosterone I could do nothing to stop you in a circumstance like that of which you speak. Why, my last female partner blew her brains out, presumably because I could not please her. But should I really complain? My intellect far out-“
“Stop it! I don’t know what you are saying! No English! I don’t understand you! I’M SOORRRY!!!” As usual I began to leak the tar of death. Mohinder started to swoon and I cried even harder. “Maya…” He whispered. “There is ice cream in the freezer. You may partake if you… stop…”
“Are they ice cream sandwiches?” I sobbed.
“I will make… you… a sandwich… just…” The tears ceased and he stood. “That worked rather quickly…” And then he just about exploded. I didn’t understand much of what he said, but there were words such as “adrenaline” and “genetics” and “I can finally be a real man,” Since I thought it would be rude to intrude on such a joyous personal moment, I took my leave to peak into his freezer. He stopped me before I opened the door. “Maya! Do you realize what this means? With the goo that you expel in you intense moments, I can grant abilities to anyone, most of all myself! I have been a burden to the community for years on end with my uselessness! I can finally become…”
He continued to rant. The earlier episode had diminished my will to translate, so I went back to the freezer. “All I have to do is make you mad again!” I heard him say. But all had gone dim. Alas, there were no sandwiches…
I left him to play with the buckets of goo while I bought some Klondike bars. When I returned I greeted the seemingly empty room with my regular apology. And that is when he appeared. Half of his clothing was gone and he was covered in a thin layer of sweat. He bounced about the room in a state of hyperactivity before turning to me. He made some comment about my marvelous Mexican body, and proceeded to ravish said body. He has not stopped for two weeks.
Perhaps I can get him to whip me. I do not know what kind of things this new Momo is into… *giggle* Oh… Did I just? No! Happiness? Giddy laughter? These things are forbidden to me! NoOOoOoOoOOO! Oh… Hello Momo, will you… Oh… okay…
Your father would be ashamed! But I guess you killed him too.
No, that isn’t true sir. Papi suffocated himself. But maybe it was because of me? It was wasn’t it? I’M SOoOoOoORRY PAPIiIiI!
GASP. The ugly, self-pitying girl from X-Men 3 is getting more action than me. 🙁
NATHAN. QUICKLY. NOW.
I. MUST. RESIST. SO. SAYITH. THE. LORD.