“Oh my God, I’m so ugly! My beautiful, delicate-as-a-flower appearance has been tainted by this hulking, brutish ogre body!” I exclaimed.
“Pipe down, nancy boy,” I responded.
It seems I’ve developed a split personality. This lummox that I’ve inhabited is fighting for his body back! But it’s mine now! No matter how ugly it may be! I’ll go put on some black mascara and put on some tight fitting jeans and black clothing and it’ll be serviceable.
“Not if I can help it you won’t. We’ll turn you into a rough-and-tumble manly man yet,” my evil-side jumped in.
“Manly?! NOOOoOOOOoOOocoOOoOOO!” I couldn’t take that! Being manly and masculine is like the lowest form of human life! I had to stop my evil personality from doing that! So, I slapped myself with all my might. That would teach me!
I shook my head. “I’m reluctant to do this. It almost feels like I’m hitting a girl. But it must be done,” my evil self said as I brought my fist back. I punched me across the face and went sprawling to the ground.
Tears streamed down my face. “Figures a brute like you can’t solve things without use of violence,” I wailed to evil me.
“You started it!” my evil self responded, but then stopped to think for a moment. “Wait a second. Did I just whine? Your sissiness is being assimilated into my personality! See? I even use the word ‘assimilated!’ I don’t even know what that means!”
“You’re damn right! I think I’ll go drink some beers, watch some football, and pick up some women in celebration. Er, wait a second. Did I just behave like a man? Your masculinity is being…uh…put into my personality! See? I couldn’t even think of a fancy, poetic word to use there!”
“NOOOooOOooOOcoOOoOOOoOOO!” I both shrieked.
After both crying and going into a manly rage at the exact same time, I looked up, and saw all the villains looking down confusedly at me.
“Jesse, are you all right, man?” one of them asked.
The two of me shouted at the same time, “I’m Jesse Petrelli! Help! Hinder!” Hmmm, I don’t think that’s what either of me wanted to say.
Whatever makes you more of a man is just fine by me.
Mother
BTW: The tats right under your eyes is a nice touch. 😉
Ew. By the way, can I have a few of your black mock turtle necks? And like, how did that thing go? Such is Claire? I’m totally depressed and you’re the only one who might get me. 🙁
Good luck with all that.
You seem confused. Drop by and visit me, we can have a word of prayer or something.
Sucks for you.