Agent Audrey Hanson, Checking the FBI Files

Nathan Petrelli
Powers: Flight
Drawbacks: I’m not sure if this is related to his powers or not, but Petrelli’s a bit of a jerk to the ladies. I don’t want to be a jerk to the ladies.

West Rosen
Powers: Flight
Drawbacks: Maybe it’s the power of flight, but he’s not that great with the women either. Hey West, here’s a clue: Hanging outside of someone’s window isn’t the best way to get them to like you.

Cyclops
Powers: Optic blasts, ability to function normally with a metal rod up his butt.
Drawbacks: The optic blasts are uncontrollable and I would have to wear those lame glasses all the time. Additionally, Cyclops is kind of like a kicked dog, I would feel really bad if I put him down.

Adam Monroe
Powers: Rapid cell regeneration
Drawbacks: Though the idea of virtual immortality does have its appeal, I don’t think I could stand living all those years, plotting revenge against anyone and everyone who did me wrong one little way or another. Hey jerk, you cut me off in the line at the supermarket, in 500 years I will kill your father!

Spider-Man
Powers: Proportionate strength, speed, and agility of a spider.
Drawbacks: A spider? Ick.

Superman
Powers: Flight, strength, invulnerability, heat vision, super breath, super ventriloquism, etc. etc.
Drawbacks: I don’t think I could kill him to get his powers. Yeah, sure there’s Kryptonite and all, but if the world’s greatest evil minds can’t do it, what chance do I have?

Peter Petrelli
Powers: Ability to duplicate the powers of others.
Drawbacks: That flippy thing with his hair. What the heck is with that anyway?

Noah Bennet
Powers: Selling paper
Drawbacks: Sure, killing my last rival would be a sure way to win the competition and would undoubtedly gain the admiration of Sylar, but do I really want his power over paper? I tell you, we’ve all heard him go on and on and on about pulp and watermarks and card stock and colors from yellow canary to periwinkle and the Kraft process and if I had that power, I think I’d just kill myself.

Andy Samberg
Powers: To make me laugh
Drawbacks: The world needs laughter, I just couldn’t kill you Andy Samberg with your boyish charms and your ruffled hair and your roguish grin. Make ‘em laugh Andy, make the whole world laugh!

Popeye
Powers: Increased strength and stamina from the consumption of spinach.
Drawbacks: Spinach? I don’t think so. Plus, isn’t Popeye a cartoon? Can you kill a cartoon?

None of these possibilities are what I need. It looks like I’m going to have to look deeper into the federal database to find my target.