Cyclops, er, parties well

Hello. My name is Charles Xavier. I am the headmaster of a school for gifted children near New York City. Cyclops is one of my students. I had encouraged him to participate in this show with the hopes that it would be a good growth experience for him. After what happened with this particular challenge, I’m not so sure. The producers were kind of enough to call me rather than the police. For those of you who don’t know, I will try and explain what I’ve been able to piece together.

Apparently things started of well for Cyclops at this party. He was making the acquaintance of a charming young lady, Agent Hanson. From reading other party goers’ minds, it appears that Cyclops may have made it to first base with her. Well done, Scott.

Cyclops also assisted another contestant with dance lessons. Rather gracious of him, I would think. The contestant however was Mr. Bennet. Obviously that was a mistake. After the dance lesson, Bennet got drinks for the both of them. After he handed Cyclops his drink, he pointed over his shoulder and told him that Adam Monroe was mooning the room. Poor Cyclops turned his head so quickly he almost spilled his drink. Would that he had, for Bennet slipped two Ecstasy pills into it. He then challenged Cyclops to see who could finish their glasses first. Cyclops won.

Before he knew it, he had run over to Adam and grabbed hold of the boy. Cyclops whispered in his ear that he would give him dance lessons and show him how to be a real man. Then he lifted the boy over his head and started spinning him around, all the while laughing manically. The boy slipped out of his hands but fortunately landed in a soft pool chair.

At that point, Cyclops thought it would be very funny to strip down to his shorts and run around shouting “No sleep ’til Brooklyn!” at the top of his lungs. He jumped on top of Sylar’s table and started to do some sort of ghastly club dance, grinding his mid-section in front of Sylar’s face. All in all, Sylar took it well. He offered up a rose in exchange for Cyclops’ speedos.

At that point the table flipped over and Cyclops went sailing through the air. He landed on top of Nathan Petrelli. This next part is a little fuzzy in people’s minds, but it appears that Cyclops started to dry-hump the former Senator. Petrelli seemed to be into at first, but then he hit him in the head with an empty beer can. Cyclops’ visor went flying.

His energy beams blasted a large gaping track through the patio and ripped through the pool sending water spraying everywhere. West Rosen tackled Cyclops from behind, knocking him to the ground. His beams were still firing however, right into the foundation of the building. As the left wing was collapsing, Agent Hanson smashed a chair into Cyclops’ head, rendering him unconscious and successfully stopping his eye beams.

All’s well that ends well, right?