My mission, if I chose to accept it, was to form a boy Band. Well guess what people? I did accept, and I feel like I formed the best boy band in the history of this great country. It was a band that understood if they were not with me, they were against me. A band that was not afraid to fight terrorism in every region of the…wait, I think I’m off topic here. Forget what I just said…
The first thing I had to do was pick out three guys with the following qualities:
1) They had to have a way with the chicks.
2) They had to appeal to Sylar.
3) They had to “NOT” outshine me.
2) They had to appeal to Sylar.
3) They had to “NOT” outshine me.
The first guy that came to mind was this tool. He name is Daniel Craig.
When I approached him with my idea, he told me to go F@#$ myself. So, naturally I had to tap into my ‘shark’ instincts. I pulled out a sample of tomorrow’s potential front page story of the Inveracity. I told him he could either play balls…wait…I mean, I told him he could cooperate or he could wake to find “this” on every newsstand. 
He immediately bowed to my better judgment, and he even offered to help me persuade the other ‘stars’ to join our band.
So he jump
ed on my back and we flew to the tropical hut where our next member was hiding from the paparazzi. He had been incognito for two months pretending he was a bartender, but he was in his hut today. I told Craig to wait outside while I went in to make my offer. Craig was a little bit on my nerves after our rough journey, or should I say my rough journey. I kept feeling an uncomfortable poking in my back, which Craig claimed was his knee. Yeah, right!
ed on my back and we flew to the tropical hut where our next member was hiding from the paparazzi. He had been incognito for two months pretending he was a bartender, but he was in his hut today. I told Craig to wait outside while I went in to make my offer. Craig was a little bit on my nerves after our rough journey, or should I say my rough journey. I kept feeling an uncomfortable poking in my back, which Craig claimed was his knee. Yeah, right! Anyway, when I entered Tom’s hut, he threatened to call his body guards, so I quickly blurted out my boy band offer. He stared at me for a moment and was about to give an answer when suddenly his eyes shifted, and I noticed he was no longer paying attention to me. He was staring over my shoulder at Craig.
Craig was giving Tom’s body the once over. He then winked at him and asked him to join us. Craig told him how he had checked out the Burnt Toast Diner blog and one of the concerts ended in a band pillow fighting in their underwear. I interrupted to say, “Those were chicks though.” Craig just pushed me to the side and put his hand on Tom’s shoulder. He whispered, “Oh, come on…you look like the kind of man who is risky enough to have a pair of tighty whiteys… After Cruise finished blushing, he agreed to join the band. I told Tom he would have to arrange our flight out because even if I could fly both of them on my back, there wasn’t a chance in Hades that I trusted them behind my back to try it.
Four hours later we landed back in the United States. I pulled out a photo of our final member. Both Craig and Cruise looked skeptical, but I knew he would be the perfect choice.
After all, with a name like McLovin’, how could he not fit into our band? We approached his house and knocked on the door. I admit that I was a little surprised to discover he was still living with his mother, but still sometimes a ladies’ man has to focus all his attention on technique instead of incidental stuff like a job and apartment of his own. Anyway, I barely got my offer out of my mouth before McLovin’ cut me off to say yes. He told us to wait there while he went to his room and got his inhaler then we could be on our way. When he came back from his room with his inhaler and backpack he asked, “How long before we start getting busy with the chicks?” …. I’m telling you. McLovin’ is a player after my own heart. I told him it wouldn’t be long at all; and we all headed back to the mansion to put on the best show in the world. Since we didn’t have long to practice, I picked out a song I knew Craig and Cruise would know. I told McLovin’ he could lip-sync if he needed to do so. As for myself, Peter taught me the song once when we got lost in the woods a few years ago.
But I digress; the costumes were another story. Craig and Cruise grabbed the best costumes before I had a chance to look at them; but that is OK. I’m the real star and I’ll be up front anyway. McLovin, on the other hand, didn’t want to wear the costume. He said he had his own style. It was getting too close to show time for me to waste time arguing. I assured him chicks likes guys who were confident enough to push the envelope, and thankfully he bought it.
Once we reached the venue where we were to perform, we all went our separate ways to get into our costumes. Everything seemed to be going well, until Craig and Cruise didn’t show up. The little girl was almost through with her number and soon it would be our turn. I told McLovin’ to stay there and stall if she finished before I got back. I went back to Cruise’s room and barged in without knocking. Well….I’ll never do anything like that again. I asked them what they thought they were doing.
It was a rhetorical question, but Cruise tried to explain anyway. Craig, to his credit, just talked over him and said he was helping Tommy get into costume. I tried not to curse, and told them to get out there so we could win this challenge and I could get me some Sylar. They grumbled as they walked past me, and I know I heard Craig say he thought they had the talent for solo careers…..
@$#$@#$#@ Divas!!!!
An hour later, we were all on stage doing our thing. I had the band halt the music and I walked out so I could see Sylar. I looked him/her in his beautiful eyes and I told him. This one is a message for every man who has ever done you wrong, and then I gave him a wink and a nod before returning to the group.
The lights went down…The audience went silent…A spotlight came up on just me…and I began our song.
At first I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinkin’ I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin’ how you did me wrong
And I grew strong , I learned how to get along
And so you’re back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I’d’ve known for just one second you’d back to bother me
Kept thinkin’ I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin’ how you did me wrong
And I grew strong , I learned how to get along
And so you’re back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I’d’ve known for just one second you’d back to bother me
Go on now, go walk out the door. Just turn around now (’cause) you’re not welcome anymore. Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye? Did I crumble? Did you think I’d lay down and die? Oh no, not I. I will survive. Oh as long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay alive. I’ve got all my life to live. I’ve got all my love to give, and I’ll survive. I will survive. Hey, hey!
Well, we went on to finish the song. We were a great success with the majority of the crowd. I’m not sure what Sylar thought. I hope he liked it. Cruise and Craig ran off together mumbling about tighty whiteys. McLovin’ hooked up with two groupies, and I’m sitting here typing out this blog for you. I’m feeling a little lonely and honestly a little h@$#$y too. I’m beginning to wonder if I should just settle down with only one woman or man depending on how things go with Sylar…
HA! What am I thinking? I think I’ll look for that girl band that is probably having their pillow fight right now. Good Day and Good Night.
Hey babe can you give McLovin directions to my room, he’s totally geek chic, what a hotty.
And you, wow, you look hot even in DRAG.
Meet me in the hot tub later?
I’m afraid Mclovin is booked, but I’ll be there. *Purrrrr*
I loved your band, Mr. Hottie McCongressman! Maybe you ‘n Mclovin’ ‘n I could get together tonite 😉
Er, is that biased against the other contestants? Lol, with a Jaws-like jaw like yours I just can’t resist!
I was expecting a duet between you and Monica Lewinsky. I’m relieved.
James Bond!
I LOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOoooooOOOOOVVE James Bond.
@ Sylar: I don’t care if it’s biased. I play to win babe, and it that means going that extra threesome then so be it.
@ Bennet: Monica was busy. With Castro stepping down in Cuba, she wanted to be the first one to grab up a few Cuban cigars.
@ Hanson: If you can pry him off Cruise, you’re welcome to him. Feel free to use the blackmail magazine to get what you want.
Perhaps you and I should try a duet sometime.
I don’t know if the world can handle our combined hotness.