I heard about this contest from a blonde cheerleader. I was in the playground hunting squirrels when a young boy joined me. I think his name was Liam? Anyway, he wasn’t very coordinated with his spear, so I helped him out a bit. Actually I gave him all of my squirrels. I don’t deserve to eat. It was while he was munching and while I was sobbing at his feet, that the cheerleader walked up.
“Linus! Ew! That is so nasty!” She explained that her mother had told her to tell him to come home on her way to a contest.
“If I may ask, what contest?” I questioned.
“Oh, it’s called Syalar’s bachelor. I’m totally entering so I can dump him. That’ll teach him to try and eat my brain.
Wait. Sylar? Brain eating? Could this woman have been talking about my fallen angel Sybriel/ Sylar?
“Wait. Sylar? Brain eating? Could you be talking about my fallen angel Sybriel/ Sylar?” I asked.
“Probably. How many brain eating people named Sylar are there?”
I told her that I didn’t know because I was from Mexico or someplace like that where men all have O’s at the end of their names. Carlo, Antonio, Alejandro…. WWWWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
After the 3 hours it took the cheerleader to calm me, she said. “Do you know that creep?”
I sniffled and nodded. “I thought I loved him.
“Oh. Well there aren’t any spots left…”
“There is no way I would be allowed to enter such a contest. I killed people. I cry black tar that envelopes the world in-“
“Whatever. Take my spot. I really don’t have time for it with cheerleading and being totally perfect in every way. It wouldn’t be fair anyway. Go get your man,”
Is he my man? He killed my brother. Could I still say I loved him? Should I enter? While I was pondering, the cheerleader walked away. She cannot be blamed. I often sit and monolog internally for hours at a time. Some time after she left, Alejandro came out of his lamp. 
“Enter the contest Maya. The prize is a new power. You can get one that helps you stop killing people,”
“But I don’t deserve to be saved. I am wretched and un-”
“Maya. Shut up and do it. Do it for the good of the world. That and my ghost was watching when you two made out over my dead body. It was almost as good as those forgein pornos that we used to watch together as kids. I guess they’re not really foreign to us though, right? Anyway, I don’t have a VCR in my lamp. So go reinact that scene from “Amorous Painties” for me okay?”
It was true. Our love was steamy like the poop of the Mexican armadillo.
And while I certainly don’t deserve it, I truly believe that after everything, Alejandro deserves to watch whatever he wants. And if he wants to watch his sister making love to a sexy brain eating serial killer, so be it.
I doubt he’d be interested in anyone with as much emotional baggage as you.
Ummm… forgive me for saying man with glasses, but he showed a good deal of interest in my Latino body in the phot above. Oh my! Was that trash talk? Forgive me! I’m serious. Forgive MEEEEEEEE!!!!
What’s the big deal about killing a few people? I’ve shot a few perps in my day and the world is certainly better for it.
If you kill someone, just make sure that it’s a sicko psycho killer or a drug dealer or Jim Belushi or something. You know, so the world will be a better place.
Oooh, my ex! This’ll make things awkward. Unless I can complete my conversion of you to like, the dark side of the specialness, lol!
Anyways, good luck Maya! Just don’t try to kill me with your tar tears, or I’ll spank you!
Oh yuck, you must have the room next to me seeing as all i keep hearing is crying.
tar tears huh? We drakulonians weep blood
Uh, babe, that might have been me you heard crying. The Sci-Fi Channel was showing the Doctor Who episodes “Army of Ghosts” and “Doomsday,” and you just know I can’t help crying when the Doctor says his last goodbye to Rose on the shores of Bad Wolf Bay.
All this crying reminds me of my little Petey. I wonder where he is right now?