Ever since Sybriel, or Slyar I suppose his real name is, shot me and my fellow foreigner revived me, I have made a home for myself in the sewers of New York. It is only fitting that I should live at the bottom of the world, as I am nothing but a parasite to those above. That and I don’t have a green card. However, before I made NY my permanent residence, I traveled to that place in Mexico where the fallen angel stabbed my brother to death right before we made out. As expected, Alejandro’s body was pretty gross by then, with little maggots crawling out of his eyes and such. I picked them away before removing all of his clothes and dragging him outside. I said our Hispanic prayer for the not so recently deceased and then, after a final kiss, I torched his body.
I forced myself to sit and watch his body burn, because someone as wretched as me deserves no less. And when the fire got out of control and devoured the shack like a raging tazmanian devil, I felt I must sit and watch that as well. The dwelling where I last made out with my brother and Sybriel. I mean Sybriel. Yes. I didn’t make out with both of them on the same night… WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Anyway, after about 24 hours of watching memories burn, I tried to put the fire out. I stomped and blew, but alas, nothing worked. So as usual, I did the only thing I could think to do. I cried. My black goo killed the fire, as it had killed so many others. I scooped up Alejandro’s ashes and put them in a urn that I found and decorated in the sewers.
I carried it back to New York with me and sat for quite some timebut on the way, I found a pretty lamp in the mouth of a dying rat. I stole it, just like i steal lives and transfered the remains.
I ran for miles, fearing that the rat might catch me and demand the lamp. But I made it to New York in one piece. There I sat, stroking my brother’s remains as I had so often stroked him. And then, something out of one of my mother’s stories happened. A mini transparent Alejandro came out! Glory! (And yes, my mother did sniff the little leaves growing in our back yard)
He was so shiny I wanted to touch him. But to my despair, my fingers slid right through him. “Oh Alejandro!” I cried. “Forgive meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”
“Do not worry my little armadillo. I am here to guide you and make sure you don’t kill yourself, as mother told me to. But for right now, you must sleep and try not to jostle the lamp. I’m a little busy,”
I nodded eagerly and I cuddled with the lamp for hours after Alejandro went back in. I’m so happy! But… do I have that right? I have killed so many and my mere presense is a threat to mankind. I do not deserve tha happiness that this magic lamp gives me! But I cannot throw him away, because that would mean Alejandro would not be able to gaurd me, as he was sent to do. Should my wickedness prevent one from fufilling their duty? Oh woe is me! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEE WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
best…post…ever!