Okay, so it turns out my daddy is alive! Yay! But the first thing he said to me was “I’m back with the company,” I was like “boo dad, that sucks,” and he was all “I’m doing it to protect you, Claire Bear. By the way, don’t go through with your master plan to overthrow the company. If you do you’re grounded,” and then he waltzes out the door again. Wtf? Where does he think he’s going? He didn’t even say hi to Loyde or Linus or whatever and he barely said a word to mom. Geez, dying must have gone to his head or something. Or maybe my cheerleader blood did that. Cheerleading can do that to you if you’re not careful or grounded by a crazy family and a boyfriend who totaly hates cheerleaders. So now he’s back from the dead and barking orders again? I guess it’s better than him being dead, but there go my plans to jump off of a building behind Matt Lauer on the Today Show. (Still haven’t figured out how I was gonna get there.)
So later I’m watching reruns of American Idol (some writers strike is going on so it’s nothing but reality now, ugh) when mom came in and switched to the news. “Mom, you don’t understand the news. Go back to your room and watch your Dora the Explorer, I’m watching adult stuff right now,”
“Oh, but your bio-dad is so handsome! And I thought you might find the young man next to him attractive,” She said happily.
“Ohmigoodness! It’s uncle super-cute Peter! He’s alive! And look, bio-dad’s gonna give the speech that I wanted to! And he’s- Oh. That’s not good,”
Mom started to cry. She hates blood, especially when it’s oozing out of hot polititions. “Uh, mom, look! Muggles needs another pedicure!” The tears stopped and she scampered off to find the nail clippers.
Once mom was gone I was able to mourn in peace. I locked myself in my room and logged on here to vent. Peter is alive, but I don’t know whats gonna happen to bio-dad. And speaking of dads, mine has been acting really wonky since he came back from the dead. I think he might have shot my bio-dad. I really do! But I feel weird getting mad at him because the last time I was he like died and I felt totally bad about it. And now I don’t even have my stalker bf to cry to anymore! Why did I have to give him that 2nd grade picture back? I miss looking at it… *sniffle* As a cheerleader, I know I can’t ask for him to come back, but I really don’t want him going out with any of those other superpowered skanks. *Sigh* You know, I think I’m going to set that problem aside for the moment. I’ve got to find out how to mail a pint of blood to New York within the next few hours.
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Superpowered…skanks?!
HEY! Whatever!
West gives his regards and whatev. So there. *sticks out tongue*
Guess what? Turns out I used to date your nonbio dad! He says ‘Hi Clairebear’
Be sure to send that blood fast-I would make an awful widow.=(
By the way I’ll tell Uncle Peter you said hi. I’m flying up to NY right now. And I’m going to touch him all over… Not in a weird way or anything, but it’s more than you’re gonna get, you little electric whore.
Ahem…That’s my 6th grade picture, thankyouverymuch.
And don’t you dare insult my new girlfriend, or else I’ll kidnap your dog and mail you pints of HIS blood. Mwahaha.
OK West. I’ll go make out with quarterback. We’ll see how calm and collected you are then.
Not Mr. Muggles!