My beautiful Nathan told me about this little hole in the wall pancake and coffee place called the Burnt Toast Diner. Why would they advertise the fact that they can’t make toast? It seems rather silly to advertise the fact that your diner can not properly heat bread.
I have no earthly idea why my dear boy considered this…restaurant to reach my culinary standards. The décor is deplorable and those uniforms, my God. Don’t these people have stylists? No one can wear that shade of pink. It’s like something off the rack. Nevertheless, I suppose I shall reserve judgment until I try one of these little waffle creations. Perhaps the fare can make up for the absolutely horrid furnishings. This entire shop needs to be feng shui’ed.
Where’s the service in this place?
Where are the waitresses?
What is that tacky little candle/flower stand doing in the middle of a diner?
It seems like ineptitude follows me around… That little strumpet just walked past me. Did she just…did she just have the nerve to walk away from me and ignore me when I wanted service? Does she not know who I am? Does she not understand the power of the Petrelli name?!!?!
Incompetence! I am surrounded by incompetence. Not just here but everywhere. My precious Nathan’s staff can’t seem to protect him from horrid little leeches like that filthy little Meredith and that little blond strumpet that Linderman sent after him. And my staff?!?! They are the worst of them all. All I asked that brain-washing Haitian to do was smuggle my super-powered granddaughter out of the country after shooting and erasing her adoptive father’s memory after her entire family was taken hostage by a radioactive psycho. Is that so hard? Was that simple task really so complicated? I expect dedication! Perseverance! He should have erased the memory of every smarmy little security guard in little podunk airport to protect my precious Nathan’s progeny! And the little brat picked his pocket!
I wasn’t expecting her to look so much like that tramp Meredith. Maybe we’ll dye her hair a nice Petrelli brunette. I wonder if that would help Nathan’s campaign. I suppose it might do to replace Heidi. That wheelchair doesn’t really do anything for Nathan’s chances in office. And he will be in office. He will be a congressman if I have to make that Haitian erase the memory of the other candidate in the minds of every single…I need to practice my yoga breaths my life coach taught me… Honestly, I really can’t believe she had the nerve to come looking for my darling Peter! Well, I shall enjoy disabusing her of that particular notion!
Hello Mother. Try the waffles they are out of this world, and they will make a believer out of you. There is a real Nazi waitress working there, I hope she isn’t the one who ends up serving you. Can you believe she was unmoved by my incredible good looks?
Okay, okay, okay. So I have a joke.
Mrs. Petrelli, Bill Clinton, and Al Gore all die and go to heaven on the same day.
God asks Bill Clinton, “My Son, why do you deserve to go into heaven?”
And Bill Clinton replies, “Mr. God, sir, I was the best president America has ever seen. Sure, I screwed up — a lot — but I admitted my faults and atoned for my sins. Oh, and I didn’t inhale. That’s why I deserve to be in heaven.”
God tells him, “All right, you may stand at my right hand. Now, Mr. Gore,” God addressed the ex-vice president, “Why do you deserve to get into heaven?”
Mr. Gore replies, “You see, God, I’m helping to make the world a better place for our children by informing people of the disastrous effects of global warming. I was also Bill Clinton’s vice president for eight years, where I championed a campaign of environmental awareness. I made the world a healthier place for our families. That’s why I deserve to be in heaven.”
“I’m very impressed with your answer,” said God. “Mr. Gore, you may stand at my left hand.”
Mrs. Petrelli walks up to God and says, “Hey you! GET OUT OF MY SEAT!”
Ah ha ha.
~ Lana
Nathan, darling, why didn’t you just have the silly little twit fired?
Ms…Svetlana is it? We are a God-fearing family like the other 76 percent of the country and your joke, while accurate is not entirely appropriate.
I don’t fear God.
I play cards with his Son. How can I possibly fear someone whose Son enjoys a hard game of Go Fish?
~ Lana
You’re a very odd foreign person, but if you live in New York, vote for my precious darling.
Ya know, I’m purdy sure that “tacky” candle/flower thang you’re talkin’ ’bout is my death shrine. That’s ok, Mrs. Petrelli, I won’t hold it against ya!
Didya know that you can blog from Heaven? It’s a real big fad ’round here; even Jesus has gotten himself a blog. Guess if anyone should have one, it’s Him!
Hi Charlie! *waves* Say “Hi” to my former patients for me will ya? Thanks =)
Charlene is it? You neither vote, nor exist on this mortal plane, so explain to me why you “holding anything” against me should matter in the least?
Don’t think I don’t see the way you’re eyeballing my baby. Harlot!
Sure thang, Tarot! Are all your patients dead or d’ya have any livin’ ones? I met a few folks who were patients of this Kevorkian fella & they all seem to end up in the same place. Not too great a track record with that doc.
Now Mrs. Petrelli, why you gettin’ all prickly with me? If I’m ever alive again someday **cough**pleasetimkringplease**cough** I promise to vote for your boy. As fare as any eyeballin’ goes, I’m ‘fraid Nathan just ain’t my type. I’m more into sorta chubby Asian fanboys with wobbly cheeks.
Charlie,
Quite a few are still “over here” so to speak… But a bunch of my favorites crossed over, including this nice old guy who used to serenade the staff when he wasn’t making us laugh. His name was Will Haskell. You’d know him if you saw him. Nice to the ladies and sings on key and loudly, even if he doesn’t always get the words right.
I’m completely legal! I have papers! I was born here!
But I’m too lazy to vote for a Republican.
I’d vote for him if he bought me off with a lifetime supply of Jack Daniels and rice cookers.
~ Lana
Lana:
DONE!! JACK DANIELS AND RICE COOKERS will be shipped once the election results are in…
Isn’t my baby a wonderful campaigner?
um so do u haf a pwr or sumthing? werd w/ the forum nerds iz that u may! um if u do u wanna get 2gether sumtime? k thnx bye!
Can you please translate that to English, for heaven’s sake, I’m not a mind reader. Is that some sort of cult language? Are you taking some sort of medication?
Well, even the illiterate can vote in New York, so vote Petrelli!
It’s too bad I’m already in love with Mohinder, Nathan. Because you totally just won my heart with that (and my vote!)
~ Lana