A Solitary Walk Through The Forest (I’m So Alone)

Hey everybody. Name’s Peter. Quite a few familiar names here, Isaac, Mohinder, Claude, Sylar (you bad, bad man!) and even cute little Claire. I’m sure you’ve all been wondering what’s been going on with me, what with me being an exploding man and all, but that’s not what I want…what I need…to talk about. I need to talk about my feelings. After all, without emotions, aren’t we all just an empty void of flesh and blood? Maybe that’s what we are, regardless.

I’m in the midst of hero training with my Yoda, Claude. He is not a very elegant Yoda. No, in fact I suspect he hasn’t bathed in about ten years. Ever smell that waft of stink go by you without knowing where it came from? Well, it was probably Claude. He’s invisible, see. But anyways, I had to get away, so I’m taking a walk through the forest. Alone. This walk is symbollic of my life. Rain starts to fall. Death. Gloom. Cumulonimbus. Such is Peter.

I just found out my girlfriend still has feelings for her ex. How she can continue to carry around such hurtful emotions is beyond me. Longing. Heartbreak. Addiction. Her feelings for that bum make me feel pain, something I’m all too familiar with. It seems every week I have a different girlfriend leaving me. I have a whole mix tape of songs to play about girlfriends leaving you when such a thing occurs! Anyways, I think I’m going to become straight edge. No more will I rely on such devices that alter my consciousness, that fool me into thinking I am happy. Depression. I am a lone bamboo tree hanging on the edge of a cliff with a single leaf on one of its otherwise bare branches.

Claude told me to let go of my emotions. Well, I think that is just silly. Sure, 95% of my life is suffering, unhappiness, and girlfriends leaving me. But the way I figure it, all this darkness in my life just makes the few happy parts that much better. Of course, those moments of fleeting happiness are only there to set me up for another fall, but still…hmmm….maybe he IS right.

Anyways, there IS one thing that makes me happy, that clears my head of thoughts of girlfriends leaving me. And that’s helping people! Easing one’s suffering, so they don’t end up a hollow man like me, makes me feel…what’s the word…good? Yes, I can feel “good.” Helping people alleviates me from the pain, it is like the mouse who took the thorn out of the lion’s paw. Except I wouldn’t eat the mouse even if he didn’t remove the thorn, because I couldn’t do something so horrible to another living creature (I’m a vegetarian).

Speaking of living creatures, I came across an injured bunny rabbit in the forest. Their lives are so simple. How blessed it would be to live a life without complicated emotions. It is only about survival, not about trying to feel loved, not about trying to fill an endless void in your soul that can never be filled. It is because of this that I feel a connection with these little guys. I envy them. Their life is nothing but light, elation and sometimes I guess getting eaten, but of course there would be trade-offs.

Nursing the bunny rabbit back to health gave me one of the mentioned fleeting moments of happiness. But I’m sure once this walk ends and I start thinking about Simone again I will fall back into the depths of depression. Solitude. I am lying naked in a puddle of mud amidst darkness and falling rain that is drowning me. Or is it my sadness in which I am drowning?

Sincerely,
Peter