Attention Bloggers:
I have the most horrible news. My mother sent me on a mission to find the Haitian,… but that’s not the bad news. My little bro Pete wanted to tag along, but that’s not the bad news. Pete started to whine and cry when I said no, forcing me to take him along anyway, but again that’s not the bad news. I’ve lost my ability to fly, but that’s not the bad news. I’ve been taken prisoner by a bunch of crazy commandos, but that’s not the bad news. My father set me up, but that’s not the bad news either. Get this… I’ve been locked away with no chicks to seduce… $#@$#
The days seemed to turn into nights and then into days again. I lay on the floor and moaned. I knew I couldn’t take much more. I imagined that my manly parts were drying up and falling off from lack of use. *sniff* I was on the verge of an emo breakdown to match Pete’s, when I heard a rustling from the corner of my cell. It was a turtle, and it spoke to me!!!
“Stop whining, you’ve been here for five minutes, besides, this is entirely your fault. Your bad karma has finally come back to haunt you.”
I was incredibly offended. “Hey, I don’t have bad karma. I have sexy karma.”
The turtle looked at me and rolled his turtle eyes. “You don’t think you’ve done something
for which the universe might want to get even…”
I said, “Nope, I’m good, good and sexy.
“How about that time you had an illegitimate daughter and never acknowledged her?”
I said, “My Mumzie made me do it.”
The turtle said, “How about all those times you cheated on your wife?”
I said, “I’ve not had sexual relations with any woman.”
The turtle said, “How about that time you nearly let NY explode?”
I said, “Nearly is the key word you’re looking for there mister.”
The turtle said, “How about all those times you picked on your little brother about being a nurse.”
I said, “Well,… Pete is supposed to be a guy, but he’s a nurse instead. I mean seriously, a nurse. He should have picked a manly career…like congressman or something.”
The turtle looked at me, and then his head retreated into his shell just as the door to my little prison swung open to reveal my captor standing with a man in a doctor’s coat.
My captor had a smug look on his face as he said, “Hello Senator Petrelli. It’s time for your probe.”
There was only one thing I could do…I screamed, “Help!!!! Turtle, Help!!!!”
I’m not sure if I imagined it or not, but I think I could hear Petey snickering from somewhere close by… The little fu#ker.
There bound to be some native girls for you. If not, you could always play for the other team.
Which team? Animals?
When you get out of there, there’s a position in the League of Gorgeousness waiting for ya, babe.
So do you like, secretly feel guilty for never doing any father daughter stuff with me? Cause if you do, don’t worry about it. Give me your family photo albums (including bath pics) and we’ll be totally square.
@Mr. Muggles…Sadly, I haven’t seen any native girls; and the other team isn’t playing so friendly.
@Tracey…Refresh my memory, how many hot chicks are in this league again.
@Claire…I haven’t felt guilt since the 5th grade, when I got the teacher’s assistant fired for kissing me in the closet at school. (so… no pictures of naked peter for you.)
You know…I think Parkmans turtle is single….just saying and all….since you got a turtle 😉
@ Daphne: I’m not going to say I’ve tried or anything, but…Let’s just say I can’t get the mechanics of turtle lovin’ to work.