Now I’ve Seen Everything.

Ty admitted to eating my waffles. For that reason alone, I will be controlling his laptop until I feel like giving it back to him. A good rule to live by in life is to never take food away from a fat person, especially a fat woman, because I will cause you bodily harm. People seem to forget that I can sit on them and make them feel very uncomfortable and unable to breathe.

In the midst of ordering me a new plate of waffles, Ty also pointed out to me that this diner had a blog… which I’m obviously posting on now. I guess everything is digitized. It seems like everyone has a myspace or a blog or something. Reading over some of the entries here — God, I need to get out of Texas fast. And here I thought that NY was the city full of all the nuts.

So I was messing around with the lighting in the diner. Playing with photons is fun. But I think the otherworldly corona I created and perched over my head like a halo may have freaked some people out because they all started gathering around me and praying. Look, people, just because I’m trying to make a fashion statement is no reason to worship me. Not that I mind being worshipped. It makes me feel important and makes my ego a little more bloated. Also, doing light tricks is fun. I was aiming for the full body corona thing, but I since I didn’t really feel like being the Virgin of Guadalupe for a day, I had to tone it down just a wee bit. After all, I don’t want people to think I’m completely crazy. I work with actors. I have to be crazy, yes, but sane enough to assuage them and let them know that everything is going to be just fine.

I like Christmas. And raves. And anything with bright flashing lights. I used to make the lights on ambulances flash red and green since I thought it made them look more festive. The drivers didn’t like that much. It would also really perplex the cops when they’d pull me over and all of a sudden their red and blue lights would turn purple and pink. Because I like purple and pink. And how can you possibly write someone a ticket when you’re being bathed in happy bright purple and pink lights? You can’t, because you’d feel like a jerk. It’s harder to use that trick with cops on horseback. I still haven’t mastered how to deal with them. Not that I have any outstanding tickets or anything. I don’t. Honest.

Okay, so I have two that still need to be paid. I don’t drive. I get distracted by all the traffic lights.

Oh, wait — waffles here. Must eat.

~Lana