My fellow Americans:
I have long loved this group. (Sigh) More specifically, I have harbored a love that can not be named for the lead singer. It can’t be spoken of because of that fateful day when she spoke against the President in a foreign country, I have had to hide my feelings and their CDs in a Brittny Spears CD cover.
Anyway, when I saw the billboard, I knew I would have to sneak into the show to see her. Everything was going well, I even managed to get onto the front row and throw my jock strap onto the stage, and that is when it happened. The lead singer looked into my eyes, and I knew then that she wanted me. I guess I’m not surprised by that part, but she signaled for one of her body guards to bring me backstage after the show. I can’t give you all the details because I wouldn’t want them to come back to haunt me before Election Day, but I will admit that I made her mascara run. I did get one photo of us backstage before we moved our private party back to the hotel. (Sigh) 
Now I must get back to my regular life, secure in the knowledge that our love must forever remain a forbidden love, tragically separated by our political ideologies. (Sigh)
P.S. Remember to vote for Petrelli, and I don’t mean my mother or Peter.
Do not make me turn you over my knee, young man. Be nice to Peter or you won’t even remember why you’re campaigning in the first place.
And the Dixie Chicks? Shame! Shame!
A little support would be nice mother.
The same could be said for you, son.
A family must stay united to succeed, which means no “I don’t mean my mother or Peter”!