Poetry Contest Results

Well, great news! I’m finally out of solitary confinement, so I can start posting again!

And even better news…the poetry contest results are in!

It was a close contest, but we do have a winner. Let’s start with third place, with 16% of the vote, our very own poetic sufferer, Peter Petreli!

The Metaphorical Eclipse

by A Whining Hero

Pedals of the pink pansy turn brown and die
It is with great anger that they return to the Earth
There is no relief, only more darkness
The sun is blocked out in the sky.
Rivers of blood flow through the streets
Vampires descend to the Earth, slaughtering sheep
Wolves rain from the sky, killing yaks
The ghosts of yaks rise to Heaven
Only to return as angry thunderbolts
A car explodes, a baby dies
The mother kills herself out of grief
Her cut wrists forming the blood river Styx

Skyscrapers blacken and turn to dust
A halo can be seen forming around the head of the farmer
His pitchfork extends to infinity
As it rapes the virgin soil
The soil is the soul of the sorriest sunless sunflower
And the resting place of the pissed pansy who has passed on
There is no sun for either of them
Or the demanding dandelion
There is only pain, only suffering
From the vampires to the yaks to the pansies
All this because the sun is eclipsed by the moon
All this because a solitary lock of hair fell
Fell dead to the Earth
Rest in peace lock of hair

And in second place, with an amazing 18% of the vote, perhaps the great poet to ever step foot in this little cafe…Me!

Fatherhood

by One Good-Looking Guy

I’ve always lived my life
On the line between good and bad
But recently I’ve realized
That does not make a good dad

The doctors always said to me
That I’d never be a father
But an evil paper company
Blessed me with a daughter

I also have myself a son
But I can’t recall his name
Claire can be shot by a gun
But he’s mortal and lame

Since the beginning I had expected
To give Claire away to Primatech
But ever since she manifested
I’ve found myself a total wreck

I tried to hide her from the bad guys
I used my ninja skills and the Haitian
She was protected by my lies
But my wife suffered mental retardation

I didn’t mind, though it made me sad
Claire Bear was my only concern
I promised myself I’d be a good dad
Even if it killed my wife in turn

But a Jewish chick ruined my plan
She attacked my family with her goons
A dyslexic ex-cop and a caveman
Broke into my home one afternoon

The cop shot my girl, by my command
Then we got some tranquilizers for Ted
But things didn’t go quite as I planned
My boss wanted the caveman dead!

He shot the fool in the shoulder
And this triggered his nuclear power
My entire house started to smolder
I screamed out for Jack Bauer

We all would have died or worse
Yet Claire Bear rescued us all
Her heroism came with a curse,
A celebratory trip to the mall

After maxing out my credit card
and purchasing 21 new pairs of shoes
My boss stopped by my houseless yard
And delivered some terrible news

He wanted to dissect her guts
It was my patriarchal duty
To protect her from paper cuts
So I had The Haitian shoot me

It’s tough being a good father
Dealing with diapers that are smelly,
Be thankful you don’t have to bother
With taking a bullet in the belly

The Haitian took memories from under my hair
But there is one thing I’ll never forget
I’ll always remember my lovely Claire
I just don’t remember if she’s blond or brunette

And our winner…

…with an impressive 22% of the vote victory…

The big cheese, if you will….

….My very own daughter (I wonder where she gets it?), Claire Bennet!

Beyond Odessa

by Little Miracle Grow

Ah, the place of my birth,
(Well, not really…)
Sheltered and cared for,
(And lied to.)
Blessed with a gift.
(Ha!, nothing but trouble)
I heal myself and I am healed,
(And occasionally attempt suicide.)
By this town I call my home.
(At least it has good waffles)
Friends and family by my side,
(Well, a really scary Haitian.)
I step out to embrace the world,
(Actually, my father was shot and I was kind of thrown out.)
And am myself embraced.
(Hi…Grandma????)

Through flames I’ve walked.
With Haitians I’ve talked

I’ve died, I’ve lied
I’ve learned my way
I’ve tried, I’ve strived
I’ve saved the day

Danger I’ve met,
The nuclear threat
I’ve burned, I’ve bled
I’ve charred away

Been broken in two
And twisted around
With gravity at my side
I’ve hit the ground

We’re awakening the whole world through
For all you know, you’re like me too…

The winner gets a lifetime supply of waffles. As for everyone else, great job! You can still come enjoy waffles at the Burnt Toast Diner, but it’ll cost you $3.82.

Thanks to everyone that participated. And Hana, I’m still waiting to be rescued!