Sparks Over NY

OMG! So last night there were these totally awesome fireworks in the sky over Mohinder’s apartment. They were so orange and pretty. At first I thought that I had something to do with it, but then I realized I had nothing to do with it. Nathan still hasn’t returned my phone call from yesterday morning. That mean mean man. Sometimes I swear he loves his brother more than he loves me. But it’s no matter.

And, oh my God, so much like six degrees of separation! Despite all the devastation and upheaval going on in NY since that pretty light show the other night, you’re not going to believe who found my long lost cousin, Vladimir Sputnikskyov! Grandma was so totally sure he was lost in the Chernobyl disaster — but I guess he had powers we didn’t even know about! Perhaps he was really a twinkie like we always suspected. You know, cockroaches and twinkies are the only things that will survive nuclear disaster.

I’m kind of sad that he was mistakenly killed in a heavily ironic fashion. We always joked that he would be de-legged by irony. Or was it iron brew vodka? I don’t remember. Silly medical conditions like that seem to run in my family. Like Uncle Vanya who had a wooden peg leg. He said his original leg was bitten off by a bear. Grandma used to tell me when I was a little girl,

“BEAR THINK UNCLE VANYA’S LEG LOOK BETTER IN STOMACH! HE HAVE HAIRY LEGS. MUCH HAIR! HE VER HAIRY! BEAR EAT LEG! THAT WHY BEAR HAVE HAIRY LEGS!”

Ah, my grandma is so smart. It just goes to show that you are what you eat! I have cream filling because I eat my weight in that cream-filled, Little Debbie goodness everyday. I suppose if I wanted to survive nuclear winter I could eat cockroaches — there are enough of them to go around in New York, you know. But I have this nagging feeling that I shouldn’t be delving too far into NY’s sewer system for the next few months. I can’t put my finger on why.

So anyways, I’m in Mohinder’s apartment last night (I had to break in — he changed the locks, can you believe that?! I know! I was SOOO offended!), and all of a sudden I hear this sound of breaking glass. Thinking that someone had landed on my car — again — after taking a dive off a roof (I swear once I find the guy who did that, he is so fired), I stuck my head out the window and saw someone laying on the ground, covered in glass. But she got up and walked away, so I went back to watching television. Reruns of Mork & Mindy hold my attention much longer than someone jumping out of a ten story window and miraculously surviving while popping their bones back into place as they run away. Hmmm. I guess that shows where my priorities are!

Then, all of a sudden, the lights went out in Mohinder’s apartment. Of course. He’s too busy focusing on “my father’s research” and “my father’s this” and “my father’s that” that he can’t pay his father’s electricity bill. I was just about to rub my hands together to make some light when the sky was lit up with brilliant orange and red! I kind of remember Peter saying something about “I’m going to explode. Oh woe is me. Tragic. Darkness. The death of the light.” but I thought he was just talking about being constipated. I remember, all I could think of when I saw that light in the sky was,

“Nathan Petrelli, fly down from the sky and save New York City! GO GO, Nathan Petrelli, GO!”

I really need to lay off of smoking whatever it is that Michael keeps in that bag of his. I’m just going to sit here and bask in the light. I could use a suntan — even at night!

~ Lana