Help Wanted: Healer

Um…the other day, I was playing with my favorite toy in the whole world, a ream of paper, and I cut myself. Yeah, that’s it. So, now I need to find a healer. If you can heal people, give me a call.

It’s not a paying position or anything, but you’ll get some nice benefits. For instance, if I’m not doing anything, and you need a ride somewhere, I can drive you in my Nissan Rogue.

If you can fire a gun, that’s a big plus. I don’t want you to die though, so hopefully you can heal yourself with your power. If not, then be extra careful. It’s like playing Space Confrontation 3: The Rise of the Grey-Matter Faction, if the medic dies, the mission is pretty much over. So, even though I’ll probably ask you to help with some dangerous stuff from time to time, I don’t expect you to die. You have to agree to do everything you can to stay alive. I might need you in the future, maybe something far worse than a paper cut could happen. You never know.

I’ll keep in touch with you for some time, just in case. You never know when some crazy act of violence might happen. And on that note, can anyone repair horn-rimmed glasses lenses? Mine aren’t broken yet, but wearing these things makes me always self-conscious about them. It’s like walking on egg shells. One wrong move and they could break or maybe a stray bullet could hit them. Either way, I try to stay very aware for that reason.

So, if you can repair horn-rimmed glasses and heal people, give me a call. This is a once in a lifetime employment opportunity! I may even consider hiring reformed serial killers lost in a jungle somewhere…provided they pick up those two powers first.