Poisoned Waffles

I don’t know how much time I have here. Father is trying to gather up some boxes. I was able hide the lap top in Claire’s closet. Her closet smells like lemons. Where does she get that lemon scent anyway? There’s no Glade plug ins anywhere. And I haven’t seen a lemon since moving to California. Wait a minute, I need to get back to this post. Who would have thought a simple act as making waffles could turn this family upside down?

It all started early this morning. Father has been away at some “function”, sure to have included murder of some sort. He is probably hanging out with that creepy, but hot and well-dressed Haitian. I never expected a foreigner to have such elegant taste in clothing. If he wasn’t a common peon, I could see myself befriending him.

I was lying in my Designer Rhino Wicker Pet Bed when I awoke to Mother’s voice. I heard her say, “She would very much like that”.

I assumed she was on the phone with Father talking about some new souvenir he bought Claire. He always brings her back something nice, but for some reason never gets Lyle or me anything! Then I heard a voice saying, “Thank you very much, Mrs. Butler”.

I recognized that voiced right away; it was Claire’s Stalker!…I mean boyfriend, West! I trotted into the kitchen to see what was up. Mother was chatting up Stalker Boy. He infiltrated our home and our family! It was a good thing Father wasn’t home or Stalker Boy would have a bullet up his nose. Though he has no fashion sense, sometimes I find he’s quite smarter than Mother. Don’t get me wrong, I love Mother, but she is too nice and trusting. I still haven’t forgotten the time she let that serial killer in our old house; she even let him touch me!

Stalker Boy saw me and started to walk towards me. I did what any sensible being would do, I growled at him.

“Oh, knock it off Mr. Muggles. This is West. He is a good boy, just like you. Yes, you’re a good booooy, yes you are!”

Out of respect for Mother, I did stop and let the weirdo pet me. OK, I will admit, I rather enjoyed the attention.

He handed me a piece of the waffles he had made. It was scrumptious. After I got my fill, I decided to go back to bed in my Designer Rhino Wicker Pet Bed.

The next thing I remember is Father yelling at Claire about her Stalker. Claire was threatening to run away. Mother was yelling at Father. Lyle crying up in his room like a baby. And now there are footsteps coming up the stairs. Oh no! Better go.