A Spot of Tea and Waffles

Hello all. I must say it is an honor to be posting here where so many…talented people have come to congregate. The last time I belonged to such a group, we made such leaps, such progress! But they betrayed me. They couldn’t stand growing old and decrepit while my youthful exterior shone out in a display of European charm. Also, I was growing mad with power. So they locked me up and threw away the key.

Looking back, I suppose it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. I’m no stranger to betrayal. Through the years, I’ve found that it’s only a matter of time before Mittens goes away to live on that farm, Asian men with dorky glasses steal your girlfriend, your mother cons you out of half your savings. Life is about being stabbed in the back, it would seem.

But I’m not bitter. No, I’m not bitter. Because with the help of my new friend Peter, all that is going to change. Pete’s my new partner now, and not only are we a dream team, we are coolio, fabulous…how else do young people say cool these days? Rad? Anyway, the other day Pete and I were playing Yahtzee in between saving the world, and I was put in mind of my own mind-numbing boredom before Peter entered the cell next door to my own. I was so glad to have some one else to play the cookie-jar game with, you have no idea how old it gets when you’ve only got yourself to talk to. I tried asking Elle once, but she’s never eaten cookies before, and also she’s a sadist. So of course it was down to Peter, and he didn’t disappoint. At the moment, though, he keeps crying about leaving some Irish chick a year in the future, and how he used to have great hair. Pete’s a bit of a downer at times, but like me, he is misunderstood, and like me, he looks good in black. And I need him for my plan, so it all works out.

I’m quite put out by the attempt at my indefinite incarceration, you see. How long had I been in that Company holding cell? It feels like a century. Then again, I’ve lived through four of those. The world has changed so much already, I have to catch up quickly. I mean, now they have blogging? iPods? I can’t even buy my favorite brand of shirts in the U.S. anymore, apparently I have to go to Italy.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, now I’m back. In black. And I have been busy! I’ve been re-establishing old contacts, killing off old Company members, getting my hair done. Soon, it will all pay off, and everything will be different.

For one thing, there will be waffles for everyone.