My God! It seems that I have transformed into a new man. Gone is my tiring bombardment of intellectual speak, for I have replaced it with a far more superior action than mere talking: action. No longer will I babble endlessly without cause nor purpose. I will henceforth call upon the new man within me to act, not simply to lecture.
Is my newly-acquired self a blessing or a curse? Only time will reveal its true nature, and yet now I certainly feel the many blessings of my improved being. As humans, are we not meant to climb walls with are bare hands and hang upside down from the ceiling? Perhaps not, but it is now my destiny to do so, to defy the limitations of humanity. For I now possess not only my superior intellect and my father’s research, but I also have gained a plethora of worthwhile traits.
My favorite is proving to be the ability to attract females of our species in a manner of which I’ve only seen from the likes of James Bond, William Jefferson Clinton and Yoda.
“Oh, Mohinder,” Maya beseeched, “you are so, how you say? The sexy!”
“You as well, Maya, possess this abstract quality which we call the sexy. It is a quality so imperative to the very evolution of our…wait a minue, why must I spout exposition in this moment leading up to our intimate fraternization? Am I not a changed man? Have I not metamorphosed, like the crazy Mattel caterpillar metamorphoses into a silly, plush butterfly? Is it not time for me to spread my wings and fly, leaving behind my attachment to unnecessary and superfluously excessive verbosity?”
“Um..si,” Maya submitted, “Yo penso.”
“Don’t you see Maya? You don’t have to penso anymore!” I proclaimed. I then did the unthinkable: I tossed my metaphorical lure into her amorous ocean of Mexican hottness and planted a non-metaphorical kiss on her beckoning immigrant lips.
And so begun our fall into the most unevolved of nature’s activities. The act proved to be the best of its kind I have ever personally experienced, as it was the first time I opted to engage in such a lowbrow form of recreation.
But suddenly I awoke in horror from the slumber that followed.
My God! In my impulsiveness, I neglected to take certain precautions, I asserted inside my mind. And with an immigrant!
I was indeed upset, and justifiably so, with my rash behavior. What would your father’s research say about this? I rhetorically inquired of myself. Disease and infection, primarily resulting from perfunctory and thoughtless interaction with South Americans, was the subject of my father’s thesis in medical school. It was one of my favorite bedtime stories he’d read to me as a child. And yet I acted against all rationale and exposed myself to undue harm.
I carefully examined every inch of myself that came in contact with that potentially bio-hazardous vixen.
In the moments leading up to the discovery of what can only be described as absolute horror, is it the voice of God we hear laughing from the depths of our mind? Whomever it was mocking me and my tragic situation, their guffaws were quickly drowned out by the sounds of my own cries after what I soon noticed.
Is this my destiny, to grow disgusting, yet peelable, crusts upon my back? Is my true transformation only now taking place? And if so, where will it end? What more do I have to fearfully look forward to? Will I be left only with these odd warts as a reminder of my previous indiscretion, or are they not a mere reminder, but a warning of what is yet to come? Am I doomed to become a monster? A leper? A Quasimoto? An Australian rock?
If that is my destiny, then I do give my condolences and apologies to the little man depicted.
Try the fly. I think you’re turning into the fly.
Ah, mi amore. Do not worry. I am not afflicted with any of these STDs as you call them. I have only had relations with my relations and the angel of death. But if it makes you fele better you can set my hair on fire. Here, I have the matches.
I would offer to freeze-dry those things off your back, except that would require being in the same room as them. No thanks.
I foresee trouble, Mohinder and not from your recent fraternization either. Was it not you who said “God is a cockroach?” Perhaps you are becoming such a god.
My Good Doctor, I think there’s a cream for that rash of yours. Or better yet, have our friend Det. Parkman pick up some aloe vera for you whilst he’s out wondering across God knows where.
Best Wishes for good health,
and ew!
Mrs. A. Petrelli
Oh Mohindy! If I did Maya, and Maya did you, that means I’ve done you! Yay!