A Few Suggestions

I know, I know! You’re thinking, “Linderman? Aren’t you a bad guy?”

I was never a bad guy. A realist, sure. But bad? Me? Don’t be absurd!

I admit at times my ideas and plans seemed…how should I put it?…less than humane. Unfortunately, sometimes we must make sacrifices to ensure our survival.

But no more. I am done sacrificing. The plan I have now only requires hard work, and a small degree of trust, from you. Just imagine! Your actions could bring us all into a new Enlightenment. A modern day Renaissance is waiting for us! And you all have your parts to play.

My part in all this is to provide direction. I am here to be your guide.

What? Oh, Ha! Yes, I did die. Nothing gets by you.

I admit, it wasn’t my finest moment, but it could have very well been the most important moment of my life, dying.

Death, it has a way of…changing a man. I may simply be a figment of your imagination, but I’m a reformed figment, a figment you can trust. Think of me….well, think of me as God if you’d like. God, your conscience, an angel, a public service announcement….we’re all playing for the same team: the good of mankind. When times are troubling, as I’m sure they are, consider me a friend that you can call on anytime.

While I’ve got your attention, allow me to give you some advice. Just a few suggestions to set you on the right path.

Nathan: I want you to to get that legendary libido of yours under control. Monogamy is your new poison.

Sylar: Would it be too much to ask that you clean up after yourself? Trust me when I say that nobody likes brain stains on their hardwood floors.

Mr. Muggles: Perhaps it’s time for you to come out of retirement. I know you’ve still got the heart of a prize-winning show dog in you.

Daphne: Any chance you could steal Michelangelo’s David? It’s always been a favorite of mine.

Matt: How about a diet? I know it’s hard dealing with your wife dumping you, but comfort foods are not a permanent solution. I think it’s time you start dating again.

Angela: Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Maya: It’s come to my attention that you’re in a rather sticky situation. I do honestly wish that there was something I could do for you, but I’m afraid my hands are tied, in the sense that they’re not physically in existence. If things work out for you, though, please do consider seeking my counsel in the future.

Other people: You’re all my favorite people, you do know that, yes? You’re the entire reason for saving the world in the first place. I want to protect you and your way of life. But I still have a task for all of you. Comment on the posts by all these wonderful individuals. They bare their souls to you in this blog, and some feedback would surely be appreciated. Now, now, you don’t know what to say? Relax. Speak your mind. Or better yet, speak my mind. When you find that you’re at a loss of words, simply comment one of my favorite aphorisms:

• “A hospital is no place to be sick.”
• “All these nervous breakdowns are driving me crazy.”
• “Attack life, it’s going to kill you anyway.”
• “To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.”
• “Don’t eat something just because it’s set on your plate.”

Go ahead! Give it a try!

Thatta boy! Good form. Good form, indeed.