It just might be True Love

I’m the type of girl who mixes business with pleasure but even I have a line that won’t be crossed. There’s no reason I can’t have some fun even if the crusty old dude keeps following me around wherever I go. His name is Linderman. But personally I just think he’s a dirty old man with some serious issues. He’s got that kinky look about him. Have I told you that I saw him wearing a great big diaper one time with a pink bow in his hair? He was dancing and singing I’m a little teapot.

Right, so now that we’ve both had the visual I think we could safely understand my reasons for wanting to run far away from Pinehearst. Because this sort of evil is uncalled for.

Ahh and now I see him, Matt Parkman, telepath extraordinaire. Hmm I thought he’d look cooler, but he kind of reminds me of an overweight Keanu Reeves. That is if you squint really hard and turn your head to the side. I’m not exactly a big Keanu fan, I mean the Matrix – especially the second one that had the unnecessary sex scene between the Neo and Trinity. You know I’ve seen more chemistry between an artichoke and a serving of mayonnaise. The visualization was lackluster at best.

Back to the point.

Showtime.

I ask him if we could talk, and lead him towards a table.

“These People know things, such as who was really on the Grassy Knoll, or why you’ve been banned from Weight Watchers. They know how you struggled not to let anybody know you had a poster of Sydney Bristow over your bed. But that wasn’t enough for you.” I give my pitch, which is kind of hard because I can still see Linderman dancing around, except he’s added some new moves. I think he’s trying to do the Cabbage Patch.

“No, it wasn’t,” Matt said.

“They know how you’ve been waiting your whole life to open a Krispy Kreme franchise,” I tell him again.

“We’re soul mates, I came here looking for you and what did I find? You were looking for me. That’s got to mean something right?” Matt said.

“Look at you and then look at me, hello? Do we look compatible? You’d crush me like a pancake.” Honestly, I’m not laughing at Parkman trying to convince me were soul mates, I swear! If only Linderman would get up and leave or something. He’s very distracting.

I swear I’m going to need therapy after this.

So I’ve told Parkman that hey I’m not into your soul mate mumbo jumbo and you’re just another stalker. I squint again, but no he’s still an overweight Keanu Reeve look-a-like.

Gotta jet

But something pulls me back. No it wasn’t that we had a baby girl named Daniela although that was kind of strange.

It was his turtle.

The guy won me over with a turtle.

I just had to find out more about him such as how many credit cards he has and the number of zero’s in his bank account.

It just might be true love, me, him and the turtle.