SO NICE I JUST HAD TO SHOW IT TWICE! Welcome frightened little lambs to my demon day galour! My name is Knox and due to the fact that small children are frightened outta their little batman masks today, I feel great!
It’s Halloween bitches! ARRRUUGGGHHHH! COME ON AND GIVE ME SOME O’ THAT FEAR JUICE! I wanna hear the D.J. in my head go ‘WICA WICA’! (for some reason whenever someone around me gets scared all I can hear is a D.J. scratchin’ records before I feel that rush!)
My name is Knox n’ I hang out with crusty ol’ white men with Jedi powers, scare speedy fake blond girls and make doughnuts outta fat cops! WHAT?! I’ve got the best power in the world, I get like superman when you get scared and today is MY day! Today I rule the world…but only for less than 24 hours…damn.
Tell you this though…I see any red spiderman’s or Jokers out n’ about tonight, I ain’t gonna touch em or give em that bad guy look or nothin’. I got me some mad respect for those little men who have the decency to dress proper for the free treats, you know what I’m sayin’?
AND IF I SEE ONE LITTLE GIRL DRESSED LIKE MILEY CYRUS….damn…No…all I gotta say is NO. If I had a daughter I would put that girl into a fear coma before I let her leave my house looking like rainbow brite just outta rehab!
But enough pickin’ on the little people. Let me pick on all you ‘adults’ dressin’ up n’ goin’ out to Halloween parties. GROW YOUR ASSES UP! I can her you all now…’Oh this is so much fun! I just love your Sylar costume! And look at her, she looks just like the cheerleader, whats her name?!’
OHHHH It burns my hide to think of all you people out there actin’ like you can pretend to be anyone you wanna be for just one night and do anything you wanna do. You see, I’m gonna crash on of those adult Halloween parties and once everyone there gets all nice and good n’ scared outta their Jetta drivin’, Gucci wearin’, Half caf skim latte drinkin’, no tippin’, minds I’m gonna tear that four story built in less than a month $500,000 home to the concrete foundation with them in it! I hate me some yuppies…their the easiest to scare, easier than little children. And in my book if you as a grown man or woman scare easier than a child…your life means nothin’.
Okay, okay…enough with the ranting…it’s now time for…
KNOX’S HALLOWEEN SAFE TRICK OR TREATING TIPS!
1.Don’t ring the door bell or knock on the door, KICK THE DAMN THING. you’ll get a much faster response time.
2. Don’t say ‘Trick or treat’ in that annoying sing song voice…say what I would say, ‘YOU KNOW YOU GONNA GIVE ME THAT CANDY!’
3. speaking of candy, DON’T JUST SETTLE FOR ONE DAMN PIECE! TAKE THE WHOLE BOWL!
4. Bring an extra pillow case or pumpkin pale. (see tip three)
5. If you did bring a flashlight use the batteries to throw at kids with lit flashlights, when they fall take their candy and run. They won’t see you cause you’ll be in the dark!
6. Sell all your extra candy to those in need. (see tip five)
7. Wear all black and hiss at people as they walk by you.
8. Stay the hell away from me and my candy!
That’s all of my tips for now, it’s been fun talkin’ at ya.
HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Adios-Knox.
dude. I’m in love.
Creepy….
Nice. ‘cept I don’t get scared anymore, so it doesn’t matter.
I never said “Trick or Treat.” I preferred to go with, “Candy in the bag, or bullet in the kneecap. Your choice.”
I just go to the store and buy my own candy.
Good for you Knox! You put The Great Pumpkin to shame with your list! I’m impressed.